Huge Increase in Ticket Sales to See Killer Whales at Seaworld

FLORIDA - USA - The owners of Seaworld have noticed a massive jump in ticket sales to see the Killer Whales perform, a spokesman for Seaworld said on Saturday.

“We have noticed a massive spike in ticket sales for the Killer Whale attraction, so we decided to investigate further,” Jim Alimenteris, Seaworld’s Director of Sales told Florida Weekly.

According to Mr Alimenteris, what he found was quite shocking.

“We discovered that the tickets were being bought by men for their mother-in-laws to attend Killer Whale shows. Some even paid large sums of money to get their mother-in-laws on the front row, right next to the Killer Whale pool,” Mr Alimenteris said.

Looks like it is a win win situation for both parties, Seaworld welcomes the increase in sales, and the men could possibly be rid of their mother-in-laws forever.

Mr Alimenteris even disclosed information on a celebrity ticket sale: “We had a British footballer buy his mother-in-law exclusive tickets to pet the Killer Whales, his name is Ashley Cole? Never heard of him, but he was very adamant on the phone that his mother-in-law should attend the after show Killer Whale petting session.”

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    LAMMY: Mandem to be Released Early

    LONDON - England - Labour Justice Secretary David Lammy is to release up to 6,000…

    1 day ago

    15th Five-Year Plan: What China’s Development Means to the World

    DALIAN - China - The World Economic Forum meeting is upbeat about China’s 15th Five-Year…

    2 days ago

    When Mother Earth Speaks Humans Still Do Not Listen

    CARACAS - Venezuela - A 7.5 magnitude earthquake is a small reminder that humans are…

    2 days ago

    Unelected Comrade Burnham Ushering New Era of Communism

    MANCHESTER - England - Unelected Comrade Burnham has destroyed the last vestiges of democracy as…

    5 days ago

    People’s Republic of Soviet Britain Urgent Bulletin Regarding Comrade Starmer

    MANCHESTER - England - Good news comrades. Comrade Starmer has been apprehended and made into…

    5 days ago

    “Comrades, they are coming for me on Monday! This is it!”

    UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - Comrade Starmer has revealed in a communique that a dastardly coup is…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.