Secret Files Reveal Michael Jackson was Catholic Priest

“Michael was a secret Catholic priest when he was not touring or making music videos. He would dress up in all of the vestments and attend choir singing competitions where he could show the young boys his expertise in singing. He just did what all Catholic priests love to do and that’s preach the gospel to young boys,” Reverend Dave Handell told the LA Times.

According to the files released yesterday, Jackson toured America and Europe for secret meetings with church members so that he could preach the gospel. He was also said to have attended special rituals in the Vatican just before he died of a fatal overdose last summer.

“He wanted it all to be hushed up. The pope met the king of pop in some of the secret catacombs underneath the Holy See. It is rumoured that special rituals are performed in these catacombs but none of the victims on whom the rituals are conducted have survived to tell the tale of what goes on down there,” Alan Holdsworth, one of the organists in the Vatican said.

Michael Jackson fans all over the world were jubilant to hear the holy news and are now calling for the late pop singer to be sainted by the Catholic church for his stellar work with children.

Pope Benedict was petitioned by thousands of Jackson fans yesterday in St. Peter’s Square. The pope nodded graciously and acknowledged the pleas for Jackson’s canonisation.