Cameron Using Thatcher Egg Diet

“We can confirm that Mr Cameron is eating up to 40 eggs per week as part of a high-protein diet. The fact that anyone who walks into a room with him in it has to wear a bloody gas mask is neither here nor there. Old Cammo’s going to win this election if it’s the last thing he does,” one of Mr Cameron’s campaign officers told the Telegraph.

Just last week the Conservative HQ had to be evacuated after Mr Cameron let one off.

“There were people running around like headless chickens, excuse the pun. One chap, maybe it was Osborne, tried to open a first floor window but was inundated with the green gas almost immediately. They stretchered him away after the fire brigade came,” Robert Fetherington Smythe, a Tory backbencher told the Daily Mail.

Recently released documents about Lady Thatcher prompted David Cameron to try the egg diet himself. The Iron Lady may have been able to cope with the humongous egg diet but poor old Cameron is made of less stuff and has not fared well. He has even taken to wearing adult nappies to cope with the embarrassing eruptions.

The Tories are keen to exhibit their Green credentials but trailing noxious green gasses from their arses may not be the right way of doing things.