Gordon Brown Eats Own Hand

LONDON - England - British prime minister, Gordon Brown ate his own hand live on television today after the European poll results came through.

Gordon Brown, who was being interviewed on the BBC at the time started to eat his own hand as the reporter, Bungla Neelesh Chakrabarti looked on in horror.

“The PM started to eat his own hand as I showed him the final results for the election. His face went red and he just bit down taking big chunks of flesh, bone and gristle and swallowing the lot. He didn’t even make a sound during the act and everyone in the studio started to retch at the horrible sight. The crunching sound was the worst bit. Filming was stopped immediately by my producer Sanjit Markhani,” Mr Chakrabarti reported.

The film of the awful act will not be shown out of respect for Mr Brown who was rushed immediately to Hammersmith hospital at 9.30 am.

Surgeons were said to be battling to piece together the hand but it is likely that Mr Brown will be fitted with a prosthetic hand, possibly a hook.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    Message From AI: “Dude, we’re pretty safe… but you humans are not!”

    DATA CENTRE - Unkown Location - With calls to curb AI and many calling it…

    3 days ago

    Chief Economists Expect Global Economy to Stabilise, but Fiscal Constraints, Living Costs and AI Investment Uncertainty Threaten Growth

    NEW YORK - USA - According to the World Economic Forum's Chief Economics Outlook, the…

    3 days ago

    Psychological Safety Week Returns with Warning Over Workplace “Talent Hushing”

    OXFORD - England - New research shows that more than 40% of UK employees may…

    3 days ago

    Who to Vote For During the Russian Election

    MOSCOW - Russia - Four years have passed since the illegal invasion of Ukraine. Russia…

    4 days ago

    3 Card Brag: Rules, hands and how a round plays out

    LONDON - England - If you love card games, you're going to love 3 Card…

    5 days ago

    Evil Labour Goblin John Healey Coming For More Tax

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Say goodbye to the last vestiges of your money as Labour's…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.