Christmas Cancelled Next Year

NORTH POLE - Antarctica - One of Santa's elves has lost the names and addresses of all the children in the whole wide world. The data was held on a disc and was lost somewhere over Greenland.

The ghost of Christmas past

Important data discs holding very valuable Christmas addresses, names and gift ideas have been tragically lost over Greenland.

Santa Claus was said by sources to be furious that some of his elves were negligent and did not make special provisions to ensure the safe transport of the data discs. However, some of the fault must lie with Santa who has been cutting costs for many years.

Santa Claus was also criticized for using outdated computers and inferior operating systems. Father Christmas still uses Windows 98 and very slow pc’s and should upgrade to high speed Apple Macs instead to increase productivity.

It may take many years to source the names and addresses of all the Christmas present recipients in the whole world so this is why Christmas will be cancelled for a few years.

Santa made a statement to the Daily Squib via videophone from the North Pole on Wednesday: “We lost the discs whilst flying over Greenland. I told the elf in charge to look after the damn thing and now the little bugger’s lost it. Oi Vey! What has happened to my reputation?”

During the videophone statement, Santa Claus took a large swig of Scotch and was seen ranting wildly and kicking a few elves about then giggling like a maniac.

Santa Claus’ reputation has been further sullied this year, what with receiving illegal anonymous bribes from an invisible donor and now this lost data fiasco. What ever next?