Blair Converts to Catholicism

The former prime minister ended years of speculation by being received into the church in a private ceremony celebrated by Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor at Westminster.

Mr Blair approached Cardinal Murphy-O’Connor in the spring with a view to joining the church, The Daily Squib has learned.

Confession

Catholic sources said Mr Blair attended confession in the days leading up to his reception into the church, in order to seek pardon for his sins.

Mr Blair’s confession took up four whole days and nights and involved the use of six priests working on a shift basis to receive Tony Blair’s sins.

According to Catholic Church sources, Tony Blair has nearly exhausted the goodness of God but even he was still forgiven by the Catholic faith – a true testament to God’s grace.

Three priests who received the ex-prime minister Tony Blair’s confessional announced their early retirement due to loss of faith. A fourth priest was so disgusted and disillusioned by Mr Blair’s confession that he has denounced Catholicism and converted to Satanism.

The subject of ex-prime minister Blair’s confession may have involved devious, deceitful, murderous, treacherous and evil decisions in his 10 years in power, such as leading Britain into an illegal war with Iraq in 2003 and the early retirement of scientist Dr Kelly.

Commentators claim he would have converted months earlier were it not for his position as speech maker for the American business network, where he commands up to $500,000 per speech.