Vladimir Putin Drank Vodka Laced With Polonium Says Aide

MOSCOW - Russia - The untimely death of Russian president Vladimir Putin has come as a surprise to many but for others it was only a matter of time.

With news of Vladimir Putin’s untimely death yesterday, his trusted aides have revealed that the president of Russia may have drank a measure of vodka laced with polonium.

“We had the glasses set out for his rivals to drink, but I think Vlad drank the wrong glass,” Gustav Orlov, a senior Putin aide told RT news.

During his tenure, Vladimir Putin had made lots of enemies in Russia and across the world, and investigators are not discounting an inside job on the hit.

“A lot of former rich oligarchs had it in for Vlad. The amount of money they have lost through Western sanctions means someone has to pay in the end,” a source from the Kremlin revealed on Thursday.

The deceased president will be given a full state funeral on Sunday as shocked Russians come to terms with the loss of their leader.

Dmitry Medvedev has been instated as president until elections are finalised.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by
    Tags: putin

    Recent Posts

    “I WILL CARRY ON! CHAOS! I WILL CARRY ON! CHAOS! CHAOSSSSS!”

    PLANET SCUNTHORPE - KEIR DAVROS HAS MADE A DEFIANT SPEECH IN DEFENCE OF HIS RULE.

    19 hours ago

    Artificial Intelligence Emerging as a Key Competitive Advantage in Cybersecurity, New Report Finds

    GENEVA - Switzerland - Artificial intelligence is transforming the cybersecurity landscape at an unprecedented pace…

    3 days ago

    Comical Starmer Reassures Labour Party After Election Drubbing

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Comical Starmer has reassured Labour Party members that everything is okay…

    4 days ago

    LOCAL ELECTION RESULTS: “Comrades, everything is okay. Nothing has changed!”

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Comrade Starmer is defiant despite massive Labour Party losses with the…

    5 days ago

    VOTE LABOUR: “Comrades, today I am ordering you to vote for Labour”

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Supreme Comrade Starmer is ordering all citizens of the People's Republic…

    6 days ago

    We’re Giving Away 1,000 FREE Tickets on an EXCLUSIVE Hantavirus Cruise

    SOUTHAMPTON - England - The Daily Squib is giving away 1,000 free tickets on an…

    1 week ago

    This website uses cookies.