Phillies Karen in ‘Karen Protection Program’ at Alligator Alcatraz

This is an important update on the as-of-yet unnamed woman, dubbed the Phillies Karen, who demanded a baseball that was hit into the crowd was hers, when a father actually retrieved it for his son. Because she is now so hated by the population, she could be put in a specialist KPP Karen Protection Program for her own safety, maybe somewhere in Alligator Alcatraz.

Due to the nature of the actions of the Phillies Karen, she could now be put into a special program for her own protection, seeing as she has created such huge levels of outrage. Rightly so, who the fuck goes and demands a fucking baseball from a kid and dad?

“I never seen anything like it. She gonna have to be put in Alligator Alcatraz or something under 24-hour armed guard, and we’re gonna have to bring out surveillance and shit, choppers around the perimeter, basically all the shit we can find,” an FBI agent on the scene revealed.

This woman is now so hated that internet sleuths are trying to accurately identify her name. Many names are being bandied around, but this could be a dangerous enterprise, seeing as it could lead to the wrong person having their name blasted all over the place.

There was some good news though for the kid, when the traumatised child was gifted a bag of goodies from a rep. and a signed baseball bat from one of the Philadelphia Phillies players.

We say, send the fucking ball snatcher to Alligator Alcatraz.

Remember, folks, this is how you do it …