Scientists Find Atom That Looks Like Jesus

“We’re calling this thing the Jesus atom. I know that’s not very imaginative, but by heck it looks like the Lord Jesus is looking right out at you. When we saw this with the electron microscope we just got down on our knees and started praying right there. This is proof that God is real and even science cannot escape that fact,” Rod Elridge, one of the scientists on the project told local Kentucky news.

Already across America, Christian evangelists and Republican politicians have picked up on the new find.

“This is proof right there that Jesus is our Lord and saviour. By the gospel of Jesus, by the word of God, by the holy light of Christ, I want to say to you all that we have found the true God particle. Send your donations in right now we need to do more Jesus scientific research in the name of the Lord. Five dollars is good, ten dollars is better, but fifty and above and you will see the light of heaven in your soul and buy me a new Ferrari in the name of Jesus. God bless Jesus, we have found you in science. They can no longer tell us that you never existed or that science disproves religion,” Pastor Gerald Pedopumper, from the Johnsons Jesus Baptist church in Pepper Lake City, Nashville told WKNJS radio Wednesday.

The scientists at Fry University of Kentucky used a microscope that incorporates new aberration-correction technology that focuses a beam of electrons on a spot smaller than a single atom — more sharply and with greater intensity than previously possible. This allows information previously hidden in the background, or “noise,” to be seen. It also provides up to a hundredfold increase in imaging speed.

The new Jesus atom is however quite an unstable atom and scientists were weary about maybe splitting one.

“If we split a Jesus atom, we could open up the window to heaven or hell. I don’t think we want to take that chance. Especially not so close to Christmas time,” Mr Elridge said.