Eighties Mobile Phones Now All the Rage

Eighties mobile phones are now making a comeback and sales of retro phones are reaching fever pitch, phone companies have revealed.

“I threw away my smart phone yesterday. It was too small, had all this nonsense on it and was way too fiddly. Now I go around with a real mobile phone. It’s like a brick, you can knock people out with this thing,” Ed Masters, a stockbroker at a Wall Street bank said.

“Modern phones are pathetic. I want a phone with fuckin’ balls. I don’t want to fiddle on a blackberry, dingleberry or whatever’s tiny keyboard and then lose the signal, because there ain’t no antennae. Look at this monster. The aerial is huge and I don’t lose a signal. It holds five telephone  numbers. That’s all you need in life, I tell you. As for the battery for this thing, I have to carry it around on a trolley,” Robbie Kantinski, another broker revealed.