News of The World to Offer Subscription Celebrity Hacking Service

“The News of the World website is subscription only, so I thought we could have the phone hacking on subscription as well. You know, you pay us money and then we’ll hack your phone, then sell the tapes to people who will pay to listen to your private celebrity conversations,” Mr Murdoch said.

Already celebrities, politicians, and Royals are lining up to be bugged and hacked by the News of the World.

“I’m not an attention seeker or anyfink, but I just called the News of the World to hack my phone. I guess I’ve had everything else on my body hacked so why not my phone, innit?” ex-glamour model, Katie Price told the news of the World on her bugged phone.

Speaking from his constituency in Fife, Gordon Brown said: “The News of the World hacked into my phone. How else could they have known that I was an incompetent power mad prescription drug addled buffoon?”

The new hacking subscription service to be launched by Murdoch’s company will ensure that the public will have fresh supplies of filthy news scandals on their front pages forever.