Michael Jackson is Dead!

LOS ANGELES - USA - Michael Jackson has died from a cardiac arrest according to insiders from UCLA hospital.

Breaking!

Michael Jackson has died at UCLA hospital.
Looks like there will not be any comeback for Michael Jackson.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do 50 shows,” … “I’m not a big eater – I need to put some weight on”

An industry source said: “It came suddenly, he was pushed into these concerts by these greedy promoters, he was fragile, he was on the edge and he had altered his appearance to such a level that his body gave up on him eventually. He was abused from childhood and may have manifested in abuse in others. He passed away three weeks from the biggest comeback that he never wanted or was capable of doing. Who the hell thought he could even do one concert let alone fifty?”

The ailing star was addicted to Demerol, which has opiate qualities. He died soon after taking a huge dosage that stopped his heart.

Promoters for the O2 concerts and Jackson’s assorted hangers-on, publishers as well as his record company hoods were said to be inconsolable today as they realised that Jackson was worth more in death than in life.

Record company bosses and publishing houses all brought out statements and tributes to the fallen star whilst getting ready for the deluge of record sales that will now follow.

Adolf Schmidt-Himmler, CEO, Pony Music Entertainment, said: “We are sad to see the passing of this great artist. We all know what happens to record sales when an artist dies, especially this one, it’s like the sales chart goes up like a goddamn mountain face, we’re talkin’ Everest here. This is when we start bringing out those secret songs which we’ve been holding in the vault for so long. The sales projections for MJ will be so big that tears have just come to my eyes. I’m crying like a little baby. Rest in peace Michael.”

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