Parisian Bedbugs are Rude, Arrogant Yet Quite Stylish

Honh! Honh! Honh! Mes amis, the Parisian bedbugs have been causing havoc in the esteemed capital city of La France. Just like their human counterparts in the busy bustling city, they are rude as fuck, arrogant yet strangely quite stylish.

The bedbugs infesting Parisian hotels, as told by Russian hackers who spread the rumours, are totally arrogant and demanding. They inhabit Parisian mattresses by the million and dine every night on human wine (blood). Currently, the internet and social media hysteria about Parisian bedbugs is at fever pitch, and the Russian bots are spreading the news far and wide to cause as much chaos as possible.

Bedbugs are insects from the genus [Cimex] that feed on blood, usually at night. Their bites can result in a number of health impacts including skin rashes, psychological effects, and allergy|allergic symptoms. Bed bug bites may lead to skin changes ranging from small areas of redness to prominent blisters. Bed bug bites are caused primarily by two species of insects: [Cimex lectularius] (the common bed bug) and Cimex hemipterus, found primarily in the tropics.

An American tourist staying at a Parisian hotel on the left bank recalled his nightmare encounter with a huge bedbug in his hotel room one fateful night.

“I was sipping some wine lying on the bed when up comes Monsieur Bedbug, a huge fucking bug wearing a beret and touting a large moustache.”

“Ah, Monsieur Yankee, I see you are sipping our merveilleux vin Français that only French vineyards can produce. I have tasted your vin d’eau de pisse de Californie, it tastes like d’urine de chat mort. Maintenant, I will suck your blood you Yankee swine. Ce n’est pas négociable, you better shut up and give me your blood. Idiot.”

“Monsieur Bedbug then asked me where my wife was and how he would particularly enjoy the pleasures of her flesh.”

Vive les punaises de lit Françaises…