MailOnline Turns Turd into Headline

Fleet Street once used to have quite a veritably pleasing reputation — now it is a festering turd expelled from the ghost of Paul Dacre’s putrid anus. This pestilence is no doubt led by the MailOnline, a “news” outlet that has successfully farted out millions upon millions of turds into the overcrowded hellhole that is now the internet.

Packed with ultra-long, SEO-stuffed headlines that often read like full paragraphs packed with keywords. These fucking atrocities function as mini-articles designed to dominate Google results and social shares, spamming the internet incessantly and blocking anything and everything else out of the picture. The mundane is not mundane in the Daily Mail; it is framed as a “CRISIS” with tonnes of “FURY” and large amounts of “SHOCK” as we learn about some woman from Widdlypoole who stubbed her fucking toe on a bedpost last Tuesday night and said the word “shit”.

Turd after turd is expelled from the MailOnline gaping orifice, and one can imagine rows and rows of MailOnline “journalists” lined up in perfect unison over overflowing toilet bowls, shitting constantly into them, flushing, then continuing ad infinitum as they churn out crap at speed for the dumbfucks who read that shit.

The clickbait masters of the spammified, shittificated internet spam pool revel in some insignificant celebrity side-eye action or some pseudo-scientific health study selling some awful product or other. Call it what you want – clickbait or outrage bait – it seems to work fine because through the constant spam, this approach helped make MailOnline one of the world’s most-read news sites in the world. Millions of people flock to the cesspool every few milliseconds to skip through the useless dross and shitty, shoddy rush-job copy-and-paste crud that is utterly, utterly worthless.

Alas, come to think of it, the Daily Squib is just as guilty. We have also made turds into headlines. Argh! The utter shame of it all …inspired, of course, by the MailOnline …

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