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LABOUR VICTORY: Starmer Stops a Boat Crossing English Channel

PORTSMOUTH - England - Prime Minister Keir Starmer has proudly proclaimed victory in stopping a boat crossing the English Channel.

British PM Keir Starmer has successfully managed to stop a boat in the Channel. HMS Dragon is still stuck in the port of Portsmouth thanks to the supreme incompetence of the Labour government and lunatic influence of Net Zero zealot Red Ed Miliband.

Speaking in the House of Commons, Starmer was triumphant in his stance.

“Thanks to Lord Harmer, who harms everything to do with Britain, as well as that other lunatic, Ed Miliband, as well as my adherence to a skewed view of ‘international law,’ I have stopped the boat.”

Starmer may have stopped HMS Dragon from leaving port to defend British bases and military personnel in the Middle East, but thankfully, 4,687 illegal fake asylum-seeking men from third-world countries landed at Dover today, escorted safely across the Channel by the French navy.

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