Scientists: “Democrats Could be Defeated in a Civil War in Less Than a Day”

If you go to X, TikTok, Bluesky, pretty much all you see are Democrats with nose rings bleating about a civil war this, a civil war that. The Democrats through groups like ANTIFA seem to really want to create a chaotic civil war, but the thing is, it would be over in less than a day.

All anyone needs to defeat the Democrats is a very simple natural solution. Yes, you read that correctly.

Professor Antonio Remus Jenkem, from the Science Faculty of Balltown University, Iowa, has come up with an ingenious plan that could work in de-escalating the situation if it arises.

“It’s easy. No mess, no brains splattered all over the roads, or bullet holes everywhere. You see this (picks up a magnet) well, all we need are very powerful magnets to go through Democrat areas and their nose rings will do the rest. We collect all the Democrats in each area, put ’em in a truck and take those nose ringed motherfuckers to holding pens where we chain those fuckers up nose ring to nose ring. Problem solved. Okay, give me another problem to solve, I’m on a roll here!”

It is estimated however that some areas of the United States would need thousands of industrial strength magnets, areas like Portland, Oregon, and parts of California.

“I factored in Portland, Oregon. Don’t worry, I got this thang — covered all the bases. Cranes with car magnets, we would have thousands of them converge on Portland. You’d see those fuckers flying up one by one as if the Rapture just happened. Each industrial car magnet could hold at least 5,000 of them, hanging by their nose rings. Maybe a day’s work, no sweat.”

In San Francisco, many men have cock rings as well as nose rings, would that be a problem for the professor’s plans?

“Hell no! Let ’em hang by their whatever’s whatever end, maybe both ends at the same time. The magnet does not discriminate, it just attracts those metal rings.”

Wow! Who woulda thunk it! Magnetism! It works!