Stormy Daniels Trump Hump Dump in Court Extravaganza

According to Stormy Daniels, Mr. Trump is a bit of a traditionalist and only performs the deed in missionary position. For this, he was given kudos points by Evangelical church members in the trial’s audience.

Reverend Enos Cooter, from the Alabama Baptist Third Coming of Christ Episcopal Jesus of Nazareth Church, praised Trump when Stormy revealed everything to the court.

“Bless our Donald Trump in the name of Jesus, he only uses our Lord’s ascribed missionary position whilst conducting adultery with a porn star slash prostitute. No, he did not do the devil’s doggy style or any other freaky ass Satan shit. Jesus would approve. We are 110% behind Donald Trump for his pure missionary Christian ways, and he even turned the light out as well. Hawt diggedy damn! Praise the lord!”

The court’s Stormy Daniels revelations have now given a renewed impetus amongst the right wing evangelical Christian followers of Donald Trump, who all praised his limited usage of sexual positions and traditional Christian stance.

Evangelical preacher Johnson Pedrofial from the Church of Giving in Nashville was excited about Mr. Trump’s chances in the coming election.

“By the horns of Beelzebubba, I gotta say this gave our church the best injection of cash I ever saw in my years. Our collection increased by over 350% because of the power of Donald Trump and his missionary position on that porno star. Jesus himself would have approved. Now, excuse me, I gotta private jet flight with 15 underage prostitutes shipped in from Guatemala to catch myself. All in the name of Jesus, of course, tee hee hee.”