Matt Hancock Found With Huge Amounts of Midazolam in Jungle

THE JUNGLE - Australia - Former Health Secretary, Matt Hancock has been found with a large cache of sedative drugs on the set for 'I'm A Celebrity'.

Matt Hancock could find himself embroiled in a row with his I’m A Celebrity campmates after being found with a large cache of the sedative Midazolam during his isolation period ahead of entering the jungle.

The Daily Squib can reveal the former Health Secretary, 44, was primed and ready ‘to carry out another covid’ on the campmates.

ITV bosses were left reeling at the erroneous discovery.

Mr Hancock, who lost the Tory whip last week when it was announced he was joining the cast of the show, also has access to his laptop.

Do Not Resuscitate

“It seems Hancock’s plan was simple. Sedate the other contestants. Claim they had a virus, then up the dose, snuffing the fuckers out. Boom! Take the prize money,” an ITV worker revealed.

Earlier on today, Matt Hancock was filmed eating an entire bowl of crunchy crocodile anuses with a big silly grin on his face.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"