Bored Prince Harry Gets a Pet Monkey to While Away Time in Montecito

Bored with the lacklustre polo, what else is there to do in Montecito? The gated mansions holding Hollywood glitterati are all closed, and the streets are now full of tourists. Apart from twiddling his thumbs and thinking of England, what can poor Harry do in this plastic land of fakery?

According to some Montecito insiders, the bored former royal has been pining for a pet of some sorts to keep him company in the vast 16 bathroom mansion with cheap Mexican furniture.

“Meghan is usually out either at Oprah’s or with her woke friends on shopping trips to Rodeo Drive spending as much of the Netflix money before they ask for it back. The couple are seriously worried that Netflix will ask for the money back as they have not delivered anything, so their plan is to spend all the money, and when Netflix asks for their cash, they’ll say it’s all gone,” the insider revealed.

The kids the couple have allegedly spawned are usually with one of the Mexican nannies, and thankfully out of sight and sound.

This is why Harry has bought a Guenon monkey from a private breeder in Santa Barbara. Guenons are medium-sized monkeys that are about 16-22 inches tall and weigh 5-15 pounds on average. They are friendly monkeys but as with all pets they need a lot of care, and this suits Harry because he is frankly lonely and isolated in Montecito.

According to one of Harry’s new American chums, he calls his new monkey friend, “Willy” and so far the pair have bonded very well.

“Harry talks to Willy the monkey a lot and has even constructed a large holding pen for the primate where he can swing around. Harry also likes to take Willy into his study where he reads it colouring books as it jumps around the room,” one of the servants revealed.