Record Company Orders Miley Cyrus to Have Mouth Sewn Shut

The RCA record executive in charge of Miley Cyrus, Levi Baumberg, told MTV on Sunday night: “We had to do something about the tongue. Sales have been plummeting since she started sticking that thing out, and all the other stuff she does. She has a flat behind and also looks ridiculous when she is shaking it in the cameras. Her tongue scares her audience who are predominantly little pre-pubescant girls from the age of 4-12 and offends the parents of these children. I told her either it’s a sewing job or we drop her from the roster. She doesn’t sing her songs anyway so the sewing job will make no difference to the songs she never wrote.”

Miley Cyrus will be flown to Beijing, China tomorrow where she will undergo the cosmetic operation.

“We chose China because they are experts in sewing peoples’ mouths shut. Don’t worry fans she’ll be back miming by the end of next week,” the executive added.