Music Biz Autotune Songs Now Used to Torture Inmates in Secret CIA Centres

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - The music biz has come a long way since the days when artists and musicians sang and wrote their own music. With the autotune and vocoder vocals used in every song released these days, the disservice to music has been terrible but service to torture has been great.

It is very hard to distinguish singers in the year 2012 as all vocals are put through autotune and the vocoder processors reducing their warbles to a machine made gloop of degenerative detritous.

“Listen to ten songs from ten different artists in 2012 and there is no distinction in vocal style, sound or inflection. It is only after you see these so-called artists you realise that they are different people albeit wearing the same type of clothes,” a former recording executive for Warner Bros record company told Media Week magazine.

Well, it may be a sad end to music lovers in today’s current music scene, but it is a massive gain for the CIA.

A new Pentagon report has revealed that the CIA, based in Virginia, have found a use for the music of today — to torture Islamic fighters into revealing everything they know.

“We found that the sound of autotuned vocals going through the vocoder process is infinitely more annoying than a group of mosquitoes buzzing around your f*cking head at three in the morning. You put some Arab in a room and stick some headphones on his head, pipe this pop crap through them and you get results fast. Forget waterboarding, this shit works. We had that Dick Cheney guy in last week, he may be retired but he likes to come along sometimes, says it reminds him of the old days. Well, we showed him the headphone trick and seeing that Arab goat herder singing like a canary brought a tear to his eye. He loved it and said we should carry on doing more of this stuff,” a CIA operative revealed.

The CIA is now using the groundbreaking torture techniques all over the world at secret CIA installations where torture is permissible.

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