Pete Doherty Becomes Barrister

“He was sick of having to hire people to do something he was highly proficient at — i.e. blagging his way out of the nick so he decided to become a barrister.

“He’s in and out of jail sometimes three or four times a week and it was costing him a fucking fortune in representational fees, so now he just does it all himself,” Jane Fielding, Doherty’s agent, told the NME.

Doherty passed the bar exam last week after three hours of study and attended the swearing in ceremony at the Royal Inns of Court, where the attendees got an earful of Doherty’s colourful language.

“I’ve never seen anyone take the oath whilst strung out on heroin with a couple of needles still sticking to his ankles. He said a few ‘fuck you’s’ a ‘thank fuck for that’ and was whisked out the door straight to the pub for an impromptu crack session in the bogs,” one of the Judges present at the ceremony and after-party told the Daily Mail.

Attending the The Honourable Society of the Middle Temple, the next day, Pete Doherty explained his charging system to a dozen eager new clients.

“Milking the system for all the hashish I can smoke, and all the dragons I can chase, I will thus charge you all at the perfectly reasonable rate of £1,000 per hour. Now which mug is first? Ah, you over there, your wife wants to divorce you eh? ..and I don’t do fuckin’ legal aid!”