Tom Cruise’s Lawyers Congratulate Ricky Martin’s Lawyers

LOS ANGELES - USA - Tom Cruise's lawyers have congratulated the Puerto Rican singer's lawyers for their exhaustive dedication to the pop singers career.

“We had to honour their dedication. I mean even though everyone on the planet knew that Ricky was gay, his lawyers still kept up the ruse. We’re going to sue anyone who even comes close to mentioning our client in the same breadth as Ricky but we have to say, is the Pope Catholic? Do bears shit in the woods?” Sammy Graviano, one of the team of lawyers for Mr Cruise told Entertainment Weekly.

He Bangs

“The truth of the matter is that Ricky or Tom’s sexuality is not the issue, they just produce crap. Cruise produces pap and Ricky has produced some of the worst muzak this side of Holiday Inn,” a disgruntled media analyst for CNBNCDN news said.

Mr Cruise, who is a prominent member of the Scatology cult, was away filming his new movie ‘Mission Impossible 23’ and was not available for comment on the recent Ricky Martin revelations.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    “I WILL CARRY ON! CHAOS! I WILL CARRY ON! CHAOS! CHAOSSSSS!”

    PLANET SCUNTHORPE - KEIR DAVROS HAS MADE A DEFIANT SPEECH IN DEFENCE OF HIS RULE.

    20 hours ago

    Artificial Intelligence Emerging as a Key Competitive Advantage in Cybersecurity, New Report Finds

    GENEVA - Switzerland - Artificial intelligence is transforming the cybersecurity landscape at an unprecedented pace…

    3 days ago

    Comical Starmer Reassures Labour Party After Election Drubbing

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Comical Starmer has reassured Labour Party members that everything is okay…

    4 days ago

    LOCAL ELECTION RESULTS: “Comrades, everything is okay. Nothing has changed!”

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Comrade Starmer is defiant despite massive Labour Party losses with the…

    5 days ago

    VOTE LABOUR: “Comrades, today I am ordering you to vote for Labour”

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Supreme Comrade Starmer is ordering all citizens of the People's Republic…

    6 days ago

    We’re Giving Away 1,000 FREE Tickets on an EXCLUSIVE Hantavirus Cruise

    SOUTHAMPTON - England - The Daily Squib is giving away 1,000 free tickets on an…

    1 week ago

    This website uses cookies.