Tom Cruise’s Lawyers Congratulate Ricky Martin’s Lawyers

LOS ANGELES - USA - Tom Cruise's lawyers have congratulated the Puerto Rican singer's lawyers for their exhaustive dedication to the pop singers career.

“We had to honour their dedication. I mean even though everyone on the planet knew that Ricky was gay, his lawyers still kept up the ruse. We’re going to sue anyone who even comes close to mentioning our client in the same breadth as Ricky but we have to say, is the Pope Catholic? Do bears shit in the woods?” Sammy Graviano, one of the team of lawyers for Mr Cruise told Entertainment Weekly.

He Bangs

“The truth of the matter is that Ricky or Tom’s sexuality is not the issue, they just produce crap. Cruise produces pap and Ricky has produced some of the worst muzak this side of Holiday Inn,” a disgruntled media analyst for CNBNCDN news said.

Mr Cruise, who is a prominent member of the Scatology cult, was away filming his new movie ‘Mission Impossible 23’ and was not available for comment on the recent Ricky Martin revelations.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    Bo Selecta! Russell Brand Gets 10 Years Possibly at Monster Mansion

    LONDON - England - Russell Brand has been sentenced by the Crown Court to 10…

    22 hours ago

    Nvidia’s Huang Put His Wang in a Huang

    SILICON VALLEY - USA - Nvidia shares have fallen sharply after the CEO Jensen Huang…

    23 hours ago

    Labour Mourns Downfall of Leftist Celebrity Hero Russell Brand

    MANCHESTER - England - The far-left and Labour Party are today mourning the downfall of…

    4 days ago

    Convicted Rapist Russell Brand to go to Prison

    LONDON - England - Former celebrity Russell Brand has been convicted of rape.

    5 days ago

    US Midterms: Lame Duck Trump Just Got Ducked in the …

    WASHINGTON - D.C. - There's blood on the cities of America after a midterm election…

    6 days ago

    Why Mission Uncrossable Became a Crash Phenomenon

    LONDON - England - When it comes to crash-style gaming, Mission Uncrossable is making huge…

    7 days ago

    This website uses cookies.