Eight Fun Facts You Probably Already Knew About Christmas

LONDON - England - Ah, it's that time of year, you've meticulously decorated the Christmas tree, laid out the presents at the bottom of it, and settled down in front of the fire with a nice jug of gin.

You probably know these points anyway but why not read on, you may have missed something in the past?

This list of fun Christmas facts was compiled by the Ancient Historians Institute based in Walthamstow, East London.

Eight Fun Christmas Facts

1. The Christmas tree represents fertility and regeneration, or in other words an erect phallus. From the erect penis comes all life, so please respect that fact and decorate the tree (obelisk) carefully but don’t rub it too much.

2. December 25th is a date which pre-dates Christmas or Christianity. It is the date Romans celebrated Saturn (Satan). The date represents the strengthening of the Sun’s light during the winter months.

3. Red Holly represents the Queen of heaven, or Diana according to pagan witches, and also is symbolic of a woman’s menstrual blood. The Christmas wreath made from holly is the vagina.

4. Christ Mass is a Roman Catholic creation and was only adopted by other Christian sects recently.

5. Jesus Christ is a composite creation of Horus, Tammuz, Krishna, Hesus, Nimrod. There are no known records that Jesus ever existed, which is interesting as the Romans were meticulous about record keeping. Even though European scholars have made reconstructions of Jesus’ life from reading the non-factual bible, there are no actual historical records to back up their stories.

6. The story of the great flood was written 3,000 years before the Bible in the Epic of Gilgamesh, an ancient cuneiform Sumerian text.

7. The Holy Trinity can be found in every religion, and was incorporated for the Christians when the new religion was invented by multiple writers.

8. Santa (Satan) likes material things a lot. He’ll give you gifts and money. He wants you to be addicted to shopping and receiving gifts. You won’t be happy unless you get a large amount of material objects to celebrate materialism and greed.