Catholic Church to Send Exorcist to White House

THE HOLY SEE - Italy - The Pope today condemned the voters of the United States for voting in a bona fide demonic manifestation as the President of America.

Exorcizo te, immunde spiritus, in nomine Dei Patris omnipotentis, et in nomine domini nostri, Iesu Christi, et in nomine Spiritus Sancti.

“I have sent my emissaries who are trained in the art of exorcism. We have been watching how this demon operates over the years, and the other night we had confirmation through the television broadcast that there is in fact a demon in charge of the White House at this very moment in time. The manifestation of the curtains behind the president revealed his horns. We do not know yet if the entity who is acting as president is the devil himself or legion of demons in one host,” the pope revealed in a Vatican address on Sunday.

The Seventh Sign

The seriousness of the matter can be seen in the sheer number of exorcists who will be dispatched first thing next week.

Over forty exorcists who work for the Vatican Catholic church will travel to Washington D.C. armed with ancient books, holy water and crucifixes to combat what they feel is a very dangerous demon intent on damaging all of humanity.

“For someone like Obama, a person who is in the position of great power, demons are called into the vessel of his body and take control of his mind and body. We can see from this entity’s actions that he is bent on destruction, not only of his own country but the world at large. One only has to look at how events in the world have turned out since this entity gained power, it is all too clear to us that we are on the cusp of World War III, and unless he is stopped, we may not have much time left. We must act in haste, praise the Lord our saviour, God our almighty,” Fr Francesco Belmonte, for the diocese of Milan, told Italian news service Rai Uno yesterday.

One thing about this demon though, he sure knows how to play a mean game of golf.