Who Needs a Green Card Any More?

“Green Card? It used to be a very tricky affair gaining U.S. citizenship, but now all you need is two feet, a bottle of water and a smile,” Rodriguez Martines, an HIV positive crack dealer from Guatemala City, now in New York, told the Herald Tribune.

And it’s not only from the Americas that they come, the Third World reaches out to the safe haven of North America, as millions travel daily for an easy passage to dream land.

“We travelled from Sierra Leone to Mexico, then we had a short bus ride to the U.S. border. We were greeted at the border with open arms, food, clothing and promise of free housing. Thank you America,” another Ebola infected traveller revealed from his hospital bed.

There are many positives to the huge border influx, as Green Card waiting lists have dropped, no one needs a Green Card or to go through the laborious outdated processes of immigration any more.

Xiang Xing Ming, 23, travelled to Mexico last week, today he is languishing in Los Angeles and having a great time working tax free in his uncle’s noodle business.

On Capitol Hill, Nancy Pelosi had a few perfunctory words to say about the open door policy: “We are urging anyone who wants to come here, to simply walk across the border. We have taxpayers here who are welcoming you with open arms, willing to give you anything you need. This is the land of opportunity, and we want you now, your children, your grandparents, aunts, uncles, we extend our hands to greet you. Welcome .”