CONFESSION – Lord Mandy: “How I was played like a fiddle by a Russian spy”

Corrupt former comrade and deputy to former Supreme Right Wing Comrade Tony BLiar and Gordo has made a confession about passing Big State secrets to an FSB agent called Epstein, as well as conducting other disgusting acts that contravened the rules of The Party. After his public confession he was liquidated and processed into Net Zero Juice — that cool, refreshing drink.

“I, former comrade, Lord Mandy, otherwise known as the Prince of Darkness masqueraded as a High Party member of the Labour Party for decades whilst all the while handing over Big State secrets to a Russian spy, who I simply adored, and was in love with. He played me like a fiddle for important government information that he used for his benefit and to pass on to his Russian FSB handlers, and other enemy intelligence organisations.”

“I confess to spreading the rumours on orders from Epstein that mass immigration into the UK would benefit the nation.”

“And that for years, since the days of the glorious New Labour BLiar/Gordo revolution that precipitated an influx tantamount to a land, sea and air invasion, I encouraged the Party to implement mass immigration that would ruin the country and benefit our enemies on the orders of Jeffrey Epstein.

“I have no faith in our future.”

“I forged government documents, announcements, and falsified immigration figures.”

“As a result of my mental disturbance starting from my experiences during the Tony BLiar/Gordo election wars, I was a willing subject of Epstein’s influence.”

“I went into the proletarian zones, I had sex with male prostitutes.”

“I deliberately contracted syphilis.”

“It was at this time that I made contact with the resistance.”

“I was personally contacted by the arch traitor Epstein, and ordered to pass forward key Party information and secrets that benefitted the Russian FSB, China and Epstein.”

“My agents forged documents and gained entry to the Ministry of Truth.”

“I have committed, even before setting pen to paper the essential crime that contained the others in itself. Encouraging my agents to deface party posters and boarding announcements.”

“I read and memorised Epstein’s orders for 30 years, I have plotted to bring down the party.”

“I was sick in mind and body.”

“I secured travel passes to Epstein Island. My agents travelled freely throughout Epstein Island encouraging insurrection, organising offensives and transmitting further Big State Labour Party secrets to our enemies.”