Why I had to dump the “Jonah” Commissar Reeves from the China begging trip

Wow wah wee wah! The Chinese communist hospitality is great. Our delegation are being treated with true delights. I even have a hot tub in my hotel room here in Beijing, and it is certainly bigger than my banya in my dacha in Grimsby. Isn’t communism great for the 1% at the top of the party hierarchy? They have their own lanes here on the motorways for high party politburo officials. I was astounded to get in the hot tub and six young Chinese maidens suddenly came into the room to assist me. One of the ladies even had the job of cupping my tiny balls as I lowered myself into the hot water. This is so that my scrotum is gently introduced to the heat, and no sharp burns occur. During my bathing session, I thought about Commissar Reeves. You know, although she sort of looks the part, and is certainly authoritative, she is a Jonah, as in the old sailing ships, if they had a Jonah onboard, the best thing to do would have been to dump them overboard for the sake of the rest of the crew surviving, Yes, it’s an old superstition, but in her case, it’s very true. On this trip we’ve avoided bringing any Jonahs, red heads, clergy or women. It just brings bad luck. Ah, as I write this, one of the Chinese ladies just cleaned my nether regions with her mouth by actually going underwater for a few minutes. Oof! There she goes…