STARMER: “Comrades, we need to build more gulags now that we have non-jury trials”

Comrades, I am so proud that the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain has joined the ranks of other non-jury trials and tyrannic regimes like:

Vladimir Lenin 1917-1922

Joseph Stalin 1922-1952

Benito Mussolini 1931

Adolf Hitler 1934

Francisco Franco 1939

Mao Zedong 1949

Fidel Castro 1959

Pol Pot 1975

Idi Amin 1971-1972

Saddam Hussein 1970s

Ayatollah Khomeini 1979

Hugo Chavez 1999-2013

Maduro 2013 –

Keir Starmer 2025

The Labour Party under Comrade Starmer is currently transitioning the country from socialism to full communism, and this will take some time and hardship. Please be patient, and understand that sometimes we may withhold sugar rations or other rations and energy costs will rise at exponential rates. Non-jury trials are part of the process of change towards communism, do not be alarmed.

Facial recognition

The People’s Republic of Soviet Britain will be strong under the care of Comrade Starmer and the Big State. We are also introducing facial recognition cameras in all areas of the country and an invasive internet control scheme along with a new social credit Smart ID biometric card scheme — all for your safety, of course.

Trial by non-jury

If anyone disagrees with Comrade Starmer, you will be tried with no jury by one of our specially selected Labour Big State judges.

We are in the process of building more gulags and liquidation centres so that we can accommodate the hundreds of thousands of political prisoners, social media commentators and pro-democracy zealots who will be processed shortly.

During your trial you will join an orderly queue and escorted by a Labour Stasi guard to the court where a judge will examine your case and sentence you in less than 35 seconds. There will no longer be prolonged, protracted, tedious trials which used to uphold “democracy”. Those are useless concepts banned under the tyrannical rule of Labour under Keir Starmer and his commissars.

After you have been sentenced in the non-jury trial, you will either be sent to a gulag for the rest of your life or liquidated and processed into Net Zero Juice — that cool, refreshing drink!

Have a nice fucking day.