“Comrades, I am on holiday this week on a cruise”

Dear comrades, commissars, Big State civil servants, Bolsheviks, high party politburo members, train drivers, Marxist unions, council officials, apparatchiks, NHS managers, working proletariat scum, and supreme Dalek in chief Comrade Starmer. I’m currently on my holiday.

I write to you in earnest from the deck of my cruise ship in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean as I enjoy a few weeks off from ruining the economy of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain.

I have been having a fun time reading my spreadsheets on deck and even indulged in a bit of shuffleboard with some horrible capitalist American pigs, who were all laughing at how Labour has completely sunk Britain. It’s okay, I pushed them overboard and told the captain they slipped.

Anyway, I can’t wait to get back from my hols so I can continue on my mission to ruin the economy even further. There’s always room for a little more ruination, in my book, plus I love to complete jobs in full, you see.

Until the People’s Soviet Parliament opens again after the summer recess, I shall be planning my next strategy or spending spree splurge. Hmm, maybe Big State civil servants need another 34% pay rise on top of the 40% pay rise and 45% increase in pensions.

Ta ra for now, ooh this champers is really top-notch, I am having the holiday of my life!