Comrades, We Welcome More Fake Asylum Seekers to Soviet Britain

Comrade Starmer, supreme commander of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain, has made another one of his outstanding speeches about the wonderful fake asylum seekers coming to Britain by the thousands daily in rubber dinghies from France.

“Our open borders welcome all. Whether you are a fake asylum seeker, chicken nugget lover, or a terrorist, you are welcome in the PRSB.

“Comrades, our goal in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain is to make our communist nation a third world paradise where inclusivity and woke progressive soviet ideologies flourish.

“You may wonder why you cannot get an appointment to see your doctor for a potentially fatal illness, or find a place for your child in school to receive state sponsored propaganda training. You may wonder why no one speaks English any more, or that women are no longer safe to walk in the streets. Do not bother your simple selves with such lofty thoughts. You must simply accept your lot in life and obey every diktat without question.

“Your ignorance is our safety. Due to the hundreds of thousands of fake asylum seekers being directed to our shores by the French, effective immediately sugar rations will be discontinued indefinitely and replaced by mustard. Plebs, mustard is in plentiful supply, and if you want a cup of tea, or a cake, use mustard instead, hmmm, yum, yum, delicious.

“I must leave you now. I have a free £3,500 VIP ticket to watch a concert that none of you plebs could possibly get a ticket for in a million years.”