World

Comrades, We Have Created a New Land of Hope and Glory

GRIMSBY - England - Supreme comrade Starmer today gave a wonderfully inclusive socialist speech about the new Land of Hope and Glory.

Comrade Starmer today praised the open borders and mass immigration into the UK from the Third World. Speaking at an Albanian drug house where tonnes of marijuana are grown every year, supreme Comrade Starmer praised the “inclusive” nature of Britain’s socialist policies. This is the new Land of Hope and Glory.

“Comrades, I just witnessed a young English girl being injected with pure heroin. She will probably not make it, but that’s another discussion. I am here in this drug den in Walthamstow to enjoy the inclusive delights we have imported into the country.

“Just yesterday, a Congolese family of 583 landed in a rubber dinghy in Dover from Calais. Thankfully, they were escorted by the French Navy across the English Channel and were safe.

“We welcome them. All of these wonderful people, whoever they are, please come to our shores. There are 4-star hotels and even 5-star ones awaiting your presence.

“You are welcome to cook our stolen pet dogs on our pavements, to defecate loudly in our shop entrances, and to wash your anuses in our public fountains in front of children. The Third World is us now, we have decolonized ourselves from the Empire of old. This is even more important than giving away the Chagos Islands to China.

“Comrades, what I am trying to say is that we must ourselves be like the Third World, as Britons of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain, we must open every door, every window, and most of all your pockets to house the entire Third World in our glorious soviet Big State.”

THERE WILL BE NO INGSOC NOTICE TODAY – BY ORDER 433980-34R-44392 – THE INGSOC OPERATOR – JIM BELTYHUE, 49, OF 20 ALBANIA ROAD, SECTOR 73, CONFESSED TO CRIMES OF ADJUSTING INGSOC TRUTH BULLETINS WITHOUT A CENSOR BEING PRESENT. THE CRIMINAL ALSO STOLE THREE PAPERCLIPS AND A STAPLER FROM A MINISTRY OF TRUTH OFFICE. HE WAS LIQUIDATED IN THE EARLY HOURS OF MONDAY MORNING AND PROCESSED INTO NET ZERO SMOOTHIES. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!

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