Starmer’s Voice Coach Revealed

Hello, good morning, good afternoon and good evening. We can now disclose the identity of the voice coach that has been coaching Keir Starmer for the past five years, including during the heavily controlled Covid lockdown period.

His name is Arlax, a Dalek from the planet Skaro. Arlax takes his orders from his supreme leader, a guy called Davros, and he passes down his training on to Keir Starmer.

Exterminate! Exterminate!

It has not been easy being the voice coach for Starmer, simply because his voice is already extremely annoying and nasal, and robotic.

“When I first heard my client Starmer speak, I myself had to cringe. I myself have an extremely annoying voice as well, but his was particularly annoying! Exterminate! Exterminate! Extermin-a…”