Commissar Reeves: “Thanks to my policies 200,000 UK jobs will be lost”

Commissar Reeves of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain today announced jubilantly that because of her wonderful punitive policies of increasing the share of National Insurance contributions that employers will have to pay from April which will add £2.3billion bill for the retail sector, over 200000 UK jobs will be lost.

“Comrades, I today announce the destruction of the retail sector in Soviet Britain. Thanks to my anti-business decisions to punish the private retail sector, over 200,000 people will lose their jobs. This is wonderful news for Britain’s already struggling High Street retail shops, because I fucking hate them any way.

“Do not be bothered by these events, they are welcome because you voted for ‘change’ and we are dedicated to our election promises to bring forth change to you the voter.

“No longer will you have shops selling ‘capitalist’ junk products but instead there will be empty shelves, and businesses will be forced to close their doors as 200000 UK jobs are consigned to the dustbin of history.

“As we come up to the New Year, let us celebrate the death of capitalism and commerce in soviet Britain. This is for your own good. Remember that you will be happy with owning nothing, as all your wealth and assets are redistributed by our collectivist communist Labour policies.

“I would like to thank Supreme Comrade Starmer for standing by my punitive and irresponsible economic policies, and for helping me lie about my economic experience in my CV. Yes, I lied, but I am a Labour politician, and it is my duty to lie, to gaslight, and to destroy anything that was any good at one point in time.

“Fuck you and your fucking New Year. Enjoy the empty shops as 200000 UK jobs are lost. We’re okay here in the communist Big State, while we grab your assets and tax you to death you fucking capitalist scum. We are warm in our homes with 24 hour heating while the pensioners all drop dead so we can clean up the inheritance tax, and fuck the farmers, the landed gentry kulak shisters and their poxy tractors. We’re in charge now, and I’m your boss. Fuck you!”

INGSOC ANNOUNCEMENT 34444900-1-3228-A-65545355531161611618162-B

CITIZENS OF THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF SOVIET BRITAIN – YOU WILL BE HAPPY WITH NOTHING WHEN WE REMOVE ALL YOUR ASSETS AND REDISTRIBUTE YOUR WEALTH. HARD WORK AND ASPIRATION MEAN NOTHING IN SOVIET BRITAIN AND ALL MERITOCRACY IS DEAD. ANY SOVIET CITIZEN WHO IS SEEN TO BE TRYING TO ACCUMULATE WEALTH OR ANY FORM OF TANGIBLE ASSET WILL BE PUNISHED SEVERELY. DOUBLEPLUS GOOD NEWS COMRADES! CHOCOLATE RATIONS TO CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR WILL BE INCREASED BY 0.6 GRAMS AND CITIZENS WILL ALL BE GIVEN AN ENTIRE PIECE OF ROTTEN BROCCOLI STOLEN FROM A KULAK FARMER. THANK YOU FOR VOTING LABOUR (YOU DOZY CUNT MUPPETS)!