Thousands of Dangerous Criminals Released Early Celebrate

It was Happy Prisoner Release Day today as thousands of dangerous rapists, career criminals and violent murderers were released into the public across Britain by the Labour government early because there is apparently no room left for jailed social media posters. There were huge celebrations today across the country as thousands of dangerous criminals released early into the public whooped with joy.

“If you want to commit a serious crime in the UK, it’s a fucking free for all, mate,” one drug dealer who was meant to have been jailed for 8 years, only served two months of his sentence before being released yelped with delight.

“I love the Labour government and am now going to be a lifetime supporter in the elections,” another released prisoner who was meant to have been jailed for a series of violent rapes, barked in jubilation. “I think I’ll have another sesh tonight in the dark streets somewhere. I can’t control my urges,” he added gleefully, making lurid groping gestures with his hands and salivating.

It’s nice to know that the victims of these criminals and the lives of the public will be a lot safer today. London Mayor Sadiq Khan also praised the criminals for their hard work in creating more crime and being released early to create even more crime.

“I am so happy for the inmates, we need more crime in our cities, especially London. I sincerely wish these criminals a joyous time as they commit more heinous crimes.”