Praise Comrade Starmer and the Labour Party – Chocolate Ration Increase by 2.7 Grams

We can proudly announce that next week Supreme leader of Soviet Britain Comrade Starmer and the Labour Party will announce an increase of the monthly chocolate ration to 2.7 grams, but only for citizens and workers who praise the Party and follow its commands needlessly and without question.

MINIPROD CHOCOLATE RATION DIRECTIVE 4832311-R7

Comrades, commissars and other High Party officials will receive an increase of choco rations of 3.1 grams for their Doubleplus good efforts in party matters, and the rest of the workers will receive an increase in choco rations of 2.7 grams.

Those unpersons who have committed Thoughtcrime or any other form of crime against the state will receive no choco rations and will instead be brutally imprisoned and re-educated in woke Marxist values in a local gulag or if the Thoughtcrime is suitably severe simply cancelled from existence.

LABOUR PARTY 45 DAY PLAN CELEBRATION OF ONGOING 9-YEAR PLAN

Brothers and sisters, the battle for production has been won.

Completed returns show that the standard of living has risen by no less than 0.00023 percent over the last year.

All over Labour Soviet Britain there’ve been spontaneous demonstrations of Party workers voicing their gratitude and joy in honour of this massive overfulfillment of the ninth three-year plan as well as the announcement that chocolate ration is to be increased to 2.7 grams per month.

We can also proudly announce an increase in cabbage rations of two whole cabbages every four months, yes indeed comrades you heard that correctly instead of half a cabbage you will receive two cabbages and maybe even a turnip every four months.

War is peace! Freedom is slavery! Ignorance is strength!

Comrades and Commissars of the Labour Party and Big Brother State, you represent a triumph of willpower over the falsity of freedom, the right to speak freely and free thought.

At a rally of the Anti-free speech League in Victory Square tonight held to celebrate a 540% percent decrease in individual freedom over 20,000 Party members took a vow to snitch on their neighbours and family members if they dared to speak against the Party in any way or voiced their own opinion and pledged themselves as vessels for the Big State to crush its boot on all forms of human freedom.

The Daily Squib publication only has the highest praise for Stasi Britain and its Stasi Thoughtcrime Police. Hail the Labour Party and its Supreme Comrade Starmer.