Happy Bishop: “The Churches Have Never Been More Full”

Britain’s empty churches are suddenly brimming with activity and flocking with worshippers, the jubilant Bishop of Bath and Wells has revealed.

“For years we rarely had any worshippers attending our services, maybe one or two. For decades Christianity has been in serious decline, that is, until the last month. I have been rushed off my feet with baptisms and our services are now so full there are worshippers hanging from the rafters. Last Sunday service there was a near riot to enter the church and one man was trampled to death, bless his soul.”

All across Britain, churches are struggling to cope with the sudden influx. This applies to all nominations, Church of England and Catholic.

The Archbishop of Canterbury was seen dancing in the street when he heard the wonderful news, as he welcomed the flock to the love and care of Jesus Christ.

“It is a beautiful sight to behold. Praise the Lord, and the Holy Spirit. Last night alone, I walked past the cathedral and I saw over 40,000 asylum seekers lining up for immediate baptism. This phenomenon is happening across the entirety of the UK.”

Thanks to the asylum seekers for reinvigorating the dying churches and congregations across the nation.

One happy asylum seeker who was from Germany via Saudi Arabia revealed his joy at being baptised into Christianity.

“Good luck sending me back to Saudi Arabia. I am now a good Christian like you. Bismillah, Allahu Akbar! By Allah, if you try, I will behead you Infidel dog!”