Britons Celebrate Another Huge Increase in Taxes

There’s nothing that Brits love more than another huge hike in taxes to complement the massive hike in interest rates from a government that’s touted as being Conservative.

“It’s part of the sado-masochistic British psyche, if we are not punished every day with high taxes, we’re just not fucking happy. Put the kettle on and be charged £7.50 in electricity and have another cuppa, innit?” a proud citizen revealed from his freezing hovel.

With fuel tax making up 85% of the price of filling up your vehicle, death taxes taking over 60% of your assets and income tax taking over 70% of your salary, these are just a few of the taxes Britons simply cannot live without.

“In Britain aspiration and entrepreneurship is punished severely. That’s what we love about this country. Doesn’t matter if you have a Tory or Labour government in place they will both put in place disproportionate levels of taxation to stifle businesses, and impoverish citizens. I wouldn’t have it any other way, it’s all I know,” a man who recently lost his home and business revealed.

It’s not only the overt taxes that Britons enjoy daily but stealth taxes are a big hit with the government as well. You don’t realise it but money goes into your bank account and is periodically sucked back out almost immediately leaving you with expensive bank charges that make you even poorer. Add in the BBC tax, road tax, Council tax, MOT, and high interest rates along with VAT charged on everything as well as insane levels of inflation on everyday goods, you will be left with nothing.

“I enjoy giving away almost all of what I earn to the tax man to fritter away and waste my money. It is a British tradition. Not only that, I would think there was something severely wrong with this country if there were things like low taxes and business aspiration. We do not want to entice international businesses to come to the UK, the government instead scares businesses away from here so our economy is in permanent recession,” another destitute former businessman revealed from his cardboard box under Waterloo bridge.