Oil Barrels of Grease Being Moved into Parliament as Sunak Becomes PM

You have to hand it to Greasy Rishi Sunak, fortune has smiled on this billionaire in more ways than one. Not only is he rolling in serious money mountains, but he did not have to lift a single finger to become the first Indian Prime Minister of Britain in history.

Rishi Sunak is an unelected technocrat who has somehow been parachuted into the role of PM, and will no doubt cause more disunity within an already disunited Conservative Party.

This is a great moment for ghee oil merchants, who will be delivering barrels of the greasy oil to parliament every day to slap on to Rishi Sunak’s hair.

Ghee trader Jagannatha Agarwal, from Mumbai, was smacking his lips and shaking his head in abject delight at the news.

“Oh my blimey! This is the best news I heard. I have already processed 100 barrels of oil for Rishi’s hair. He will have so much grease in his hair those English boys will not be able to catch him when he is slipping and sliding around the House of Commons. Bhaarat mahaan! India is great!”

All across Britain, and India, Indian mothers were slapping their children over the head and urging their children to be like Rishi Sunak.

A truly historic day in British parliamentary history.

With the members of the Tory Party not even given a say, and a general election not called, one asks the question, is the British system now following the undemocratic EU system a little too closely?

When everything is fucked and there’s no hope, slap the fucking grease on…