Family Looks Forward to ‘Economic Growth’ As Mortgage Rates Rise

BIRMINGHAM - England - Isn't economic growth great? Millions of households will default on mortgage payments as interest rate hikes constantly batter finances.

“We’re sure looking forward to that economic growth promised by the government as we lose our home and default on mortgage payments due to the Bank of England increasing interest rates constantly,” Faisal Ahmed, a shop worker from Birmingham revealed on Tuesday.

Faisal and his wife Sarah have four children and cannot keep up with interest rate rises affecting mortgage rates. Like millions of other households across the nation, they will lose their home soon.

“It’s that economic growth innit? Can’t wait for it to happen when we’re homeless having lost everything,” Faisal said bowing his head in utter shame.

The couple used to pay £1,500 per month for their mortgage, but recent economic growth plans means they are now paying £1,900. The payment forecast for 2023 is £2,500 and for 2024 £3,800 on a variable rate after their fixed rate ran out.

“We’re going to steal a tent and move into the forest because we want to enjoy that economic growth they’re all talking about. Thank you Bank of England for constantly raising interest rates and causing many hard working families across the country to lose their homes.”

The good news is, there is no good news. Now fuck off.

 

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