Jesus to Land On Earth Tomorrow at 06.15 (UTC)

Pastor Reb Butler for the Baptist Episcopal Jesus Mission in Selena Heights, Wisconsin, situated 13 km from Milwaukee is preparing his flock right now for the Jesus landing tomorrow.

Thousands of Christians are flying to Jerusalem, Israel to witness the amazing miracle.

“We are very well prepared and have all brought our own horns to hail his re-entry into the earth’s atmosphere. Jesus will come into the atmosphere at an angle of 40 degrees at a supersonic speed of approximately 17,000 miles per hour. We estimate his landing point as Golgotha, Jerusalem, as foretold in the Scriptures; the place where he was crucified by the Romans over 2000 years ago.

“After he lands, he will break bread with his followers and then the land of men will be complete once again. He may even start walking across a pond or two. He could be used in sea rescue operations or as an envoy of God to starving Africa. Imagine feeding 230 million starving Africans with one slice of bread. As for the wine industry, that will be bankrupted when Jesus sets foot back on earth because he will just change jugs of water into the finest Beaujolais vintage ever tasted.”

It is not certain if Jesus will fly into the earth’s atmosphere head or feet first? Some Biblical scholars are also not sure if he will be able to converse with the American Christian flock who come to see him arrive.

Episcopal church scholar, Father Dwaine S. Hammatam, is certain the Son of God will speak Aramaic to his flock.

“Jesus will speak in the Aramaic language but because he is the risen Son of God, his words will be understood by Americans because he will use special Godlike telepathic powers to make us understand. So we will hear his words in Aramaic, but understand those words as if spoken by some guy in Reno, Nevada.”