John Prescott Stops Pie Lorry In Middle of Road

HULL - England - Former Labour Deputy Prime Minister, John 'Two Jags' Prescott, was involved in a major traffic incident yesterday, near his home.

The 75-year-old, whose appetite for pork pies is renowned across England, was travelling in one of his Jaguars when witnesses say the car skidded to an abrupt stop in front of a 12-tonne lorry carrying pork pies to a local superstore.

“He had a crazed look in his eyes as he ran towards the truck with spittle streaming from his chomping mouth. I at once thought of a deranged zombie from some god awful film,” a freaked out witness told the BBC.

The scared lorry driver immediately got out of his cab and ran away in terror abandoning his truck and its glorious contents.

Mavis Belridge, 84, was driving her Nissan Micra and witnessed Prescott ransacking the lorry of its contents.

“I had just been to visit the local church fête and was on my way back, when I managed to look over the steering wheel to see a burly man sitting in the middle of the road devouring pork pies like there was no tomorrow. I can still see the look in his eyes, it was awful.”

Many bystanders who witnessed the unholy event have received counselling. Mr Prescott was not available for comment today as he was attending a croquet championship in his own back garden.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    “I WILL CARRY ON! CHAOS! I WILL CARRY ON! CHAOS! CHAOSSSSS!”

    PLANET SCUNTHORPE - KEIR DAVROS HAS MADE A DEFIANT SPEECH IN DEFENCE OF HIS RULE.

    10 hours ago

    Artificial Intelligence Emerging as a Key Competitive Advantage in Cybersecurity, New Report Finds

    GENEVA - Switzerland - Artificial intelligence is transforming the cybersecurity landscape at an unprecedented pace…

    2 days ago

    Comical Starmer Reassures Labour Party After Election Drubbing

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Comical Starmer has reassured Labour Party members that everything is okay…

    4 days ago

    LOCAL ELECTION RESULTS: “Comrades, everything is okay. Nothing has changed!”

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Comrade Starmer is defiant despite massive Labour Party losses with the…

    4 days ago

    VOTE LABOUR: “Comrades, today I am ordering you to vote for Labour”

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Supreme Comrade Starmer is ordering all citizens of the People's Republic…

    5 days ago

    We’re Giving Away 1,000 FREE Tickets on an EXCLUSIVE Hantavirus Cruise

    SOUTHAMPTON - England - The Daily Squib is giving away 1,000 free tickets on an…

    1 week ago

    This website uses cookies.