Amish Beard Thieves Strike Again

“I went to bed last night with my beard intact. I like to stroke it before I do my evening prayers. When I woke up this morning, my chin was as smooth as a newborn calf’s butt at a livestock auction. I’ve been crying all day,” Joshua Malachite, an Amish elder told the Amish Herald.

Beard Rustling

No one knows who is clipping the precious beards from the Amish males but some have their theories about the fiendish shaving campaign.

“I reckon it’s a conspiracy to fill pillows and duvets with the beard shavings. duck down costs a lot of money but if you get a load of Amish beard fluff, then it’s jackpot time.” Isaac Mondrian, an Amish invstigator on the scene told a local Amish church meeting on Tuesday.

The Pennsylvania Amish community are living in abject fear of any further beards being rustled.