Trump Fast Forwards His Doctor’s Certificate

“From now on, you will address me as Doctor Trump,” Dr. Trump told the CNN reporter he had just berated during another spectacular White House press conference.

Dr. Donald Trump has been awarded his doctorate from the Kentucky Fry Medical School, and he is now fully qualified to treat patients across the United States, and he did not have to study for seven years either.

“You sound like you gotta the tremendous bronchialitis or something. C’mere I will inject your lung with disinfectant, and while we’re at it let me look at your foot, it seems like you gotta serious case of halitosius!” Trump gestures at a confused looking CBS reporter.

“See this certificilate! I’m qualified to treat you, and there’s nothing to be scared of, we’re gonna cure millions of Americans from cornyvirus with my tremendous doctor’s knowledge. Scuse me ma’am, I think one of your breasts is slightly lower than the other, I am now a trained gyno proctologistics doctor, let me see, ah, yes, all it needs is a squirt of my special solution I bought from the Walmart, Jello! Soon I’ll restore your confidence!”

At that moment, a large stampede of reporters is seen leaving the White House press room.