God Particle Found in Book of Mormon Says Romney

“This here Mormon bible reveals to me the truth about God’s message to us as humans and the pages reveal that the God Particle does exist in this book. There is no need for Higgs Boson or the Hadron Collider, your science is irrelevant when it comes to the words of the great messenger Joseph Smith who lived from 1805 to 1844 and wrote the Mormon bible,” Mr Romney told an audience of believers at the Holy Joseph Smith church in Salt Lake City yesterday.

Cain and Abel

In 1823, Smith said that while praying at night for forgiveness from his sins, he was visited by an angel named Moroni, who revealed the location of a buried book of golden plates as well as other artefacts, including a breastplate and a set of spectacles with lenses composed of seer stones, which had been hidden in a hill near his home. Smith said he attempted to remove the plates the next morning but was unsuccessful because the angel prevented him. In other words, he was a fucking nut job.

The Holy Mormon church also believes that blacks are cursed of the earth: “But let them apostatize, and they will become gray-haired, wrinkled, and black, just like the Devil”

“You can see now why it is my mission to get America back into the light from the despicable Luciferian abortion-loving child killer Obama. This is a mission from God, and I hold up the Book of Mormon to exorcise the United States, our God given land, back to the true people who inherited it. The Book of Mormon is the God Particle, no science or black imposter president can take away our country’s rights to be a Mormon land of God. I vow to help our nation recover from the Obama ungodly ways, he may very well be a Muslim, and you know in America’s eyes that means he consorts with Satan,” Mitt Romney told the assembled Mormon followers in the church.

Mitt’s vision for America also extends to the cities and towns across the country, when he wins the election on November 6 he vows to build a Mormon church in every city and town in America. These great towering monoliths will remind Americans every day that their servitude to God encompasses all facets of daily life in the United States.

“When I am in the White House, I want to bring America back to what it used to be, like in the 1800s when we used to have strange fruit hanging from the trees and real justice, and God-fearing people, that’s what I want to do, and I know you will all vote for me,” Romney added to rapturous applause from the audience.