Nick Clegg Attains Human Shield Status

“The only way the Tories could be voted into power was with a sobbing yellow rat like Clegg blubbering into his handkerchief as abuse after abuse is thrown at him from all and sundry. Clegg is the best human shield the Tories have after enacting hugely unpopular policies that make them even more hated amongst the population than during the latter stage of the Thatcher years. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, or in Clegg’s case — arse, the Tories need to keep the Lib Dem leader around to shelter them from the constant barrage of anti-governmental feeling brought on mostly by Georgey boy in the Treasury. Clegg is a wonderful punch bag, he gets up there, apologises, gets more stick, cries a bit, maybe a rotten tomato or three, and then it’s back to business as usual for the Tories. He takes negativity towards the Tories, he is a shield for the Conservatives, and one must keep the shield up in battle, or get hit yourself, thus losing the battle,” a Westminster insider divulged.

Unless Osborne turns the economy around soon, analysts say that the human shield of Nick Clegg may crack and be deemed useless.

“It’s only a matter of time until the Tory defence is breached, and if that happens, then Labour will have the shield. Once the bleating Dalek brother-killer Ed Milliband gets a taste of power, Britain will be lost forever under a sea of overspending, useless diktats, and economic disaster that will make this lot look like f*cking girl scouts,” he added.

Until then, Nick Clegg, please take the flack and the shrapnel, you go first.