Team GB Claws Back Gold That Gordon Brown Sold Off

“Gordon Brown sold off the UK’s gold reserves at the bottom of the market in 1999 losing the UK economy £10 billion when he was the Chancellor of the Exchequer. We’re trying to claw back some of the losses he incurred on the British people and economy when he sold off 400 tonnes of our gold at rock bottom prices,” Desmond Lenolson, an Olympic Heptathlon gold medal winner told the Daily Mail.

Unfortunately for the athletes, the Olympic gold medals are not worth much in gold value but are worth more in future sponsorship deals for athletes as well as advertising revenue for the future.

“It’s worth a try though, there was Gordo who put Great Britain in the shitter and here we are bringing it back from the brink. We’ve got so many golds for Team GB that we don’t know what to do with ’em. It’s marvellous mate, we’ve shown everyone that there is hope in the country yet. Hooray!” another happy Team GB gold medal winner said.

Treasury documents released under a freedom of information request revealed the sorry truth that Ed Balls and Ed Miliband were both implicitly involved on the gold sale while working as Special Advisers to Gordon Brown at the time of the sale.