Trump: “Now I Want to Buy Somalia”

After the Greenland sale fell through, nixed by that ‘nasty’ Danish PM, the President of the United States has opted for Somalia.

“There’s a lot of things we can do to clean up that place, okay it’s a shithole where that squad member comes from, what’s her name, the terrorist? We have a fantastic opportunity to build golf courses, hotels and beach houses,” Mr. Trump said on Thursday.

But what about the pirates and lawlessness?

“Ah, I didn’t say we are gonna buy the place with the people on there. First we gotta clean it out, look, this is a fantastic real estate opportunity, all we gotta do is replace the population there with decent Christian folk who like golf, Jesus and club sandwiches.”

The president paused for a moment, burping into his hand.

“As for the price, I looked into that, it ain’t gonna be cheap. We need to buy a lotta bombs, and ammo to clear the ground, but in the end it will be worth it. You’ll see folks, you’ll see.”