Argentina to Invade UK Sometime Next Week

“If we cannot have the Malvinas we must have the UK. I have ordered our invasion forces of twelve ships to sail to Britain and attack them,” Mrs Kirchner told her people during an Argentine television broadcast.

The president of Argentina has been campaigning against the Falkland Islands for the past three years and bad feelings have erupted again with the Argentinian hierarchy, who are determined to give Britain a bloody nose or two with a few invasions.

“This isn’t just about ‘The hand of God’ or some Royal Navy ship we sank thirty years ago, we want to take the big one, Britain itself. I have even heard there is oil somewhere up Northern Britain,” she added.

Prime Minister, David Cameron, today announced the Argentinian invasion plans and is committed to defending the British Isles from this Argentinian threat.

Speaking from Downing Street, he said: “I have ordered a few fishing boats to meet the Argentinian Armada. I’m sure all of this battle stuff will be over by 2.00pm and we can all enjoy a nice cuppa with the full knowledge that the Argies bit the dust again.”