World

Happy St George’s Day

SECTOR 101 - EU - Today was St George's day and EU citizens were told to celebrate even though they did not know why.

It’s a happy St George’s Day in EUngland (EU Sector 101) today.

All over the EU sector soviet citizens and comrades have been celebrating St George, but many do not know anything about the story or why they are celebrating.

In Manchester street parties were held, and everyone waved EU flags in total ignorance to what they used to fly as a flag in the past.

“I heard it used to be a flag of a big red circle,” one man said.

Another man chimed in and postulated “I fink it was a big star and a moon, or summink like that.”

In London, where no one speaks English anymore, the street parties were jovial with only a few rabid stabbings.

“Sunt doar aici pentru beneficii,” a Londoner replied when asked what the significance of St George’s day was, whilst chomping on a large cabbage roll called a Sarmale.

One woman was adamant that she knew the significance of St George’s day.

“Dawno, dawno temu był facet o imieniu St George. To wszystko co wiem.”

Meanwhile at 10 Downing street, the EU sector Kommandant, Theresa Von May, was flying the EU flag at full mast to celebrate St George’s Day.

She addressed the nation with a telivisual communique to celebrate this wondrous day.

[Translated from German] “Comrades, today I would like to honour all soviet EU citizens within this sector. I have been asked by my superiors in Berlin to thank you all for capitulating throughout the terrible years of Brexit threat and to allow this former country to be completely swallowed up by the soviet EU superstate where Marxist collectivism is key to our functionality. All citizens will be given an increase in sugar rations by half a gram, and you will have an increase of one segment of chocolate for the day. Thank you for your endearing surrender. Long live the EU! Niech żyje Unia Europejska! Trăiască Uniunea Europeană! Da zhivee Evropeĭskiyat sŭyuz! Jetoni gjatë Bashkimit Evropian!”

Additional news — in sector 101-D, formerly Dalston, an Albanian man was arrested after an altercation with three Poles, one Bulgarian, five Romanians, and sixteen Afro-Caribbean gentlemen who had previously been on a pickpocket and stabbing spree leaving 49 people dead. All detainees were released without charge and given warnings at the insistence of the London Mayor Siddiqistan.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    Labour Mourns Downfall of Leftist Celebrity Hero Russell Brand

    MANCHESTER - England - The far-left and Labour Party are today mourning the downfall of…

    3 days ago

    Convicted Rapist Russell Brand to go to Prison

    LONDON - England - Former celebrity Russell Brand has been convicted of rape.

    4 days ago

    US Midterms: Lame Duck Trump Just Got Ducked in the …

    WASHINGTON - D.C. - There's blood on the cities of America after a midterm election…

    5 days ago

    Why Mission Uncrossable Became a Crash Phenomenon

    LONDON - England - When it comes to crash-style gaming, Mission Uncrossable is making huge…

    6 days ago

    London 2026 – The City of Shit

    LONDON - England - The capital city of Britain was once a great city but…

    1 week ago

    BUDGET SECRETS – Why Labour Needs the Neets

    MANCHESTER - England - It was a great Labour budget yesterday for the NEETS and…

    2 weeks ago

    This website uses cookies.